Regarding yesterdays post, I indicated that my spiraling depression caused me to lose a lot of friends. Where this is true, I want to apologize. I want to apologize for being so self-absorbed in my misery to celebrate big events in everyone's lives. Babies, marriages, birthdays, parties, I made excuses to miss them all.
I don't expect to be forgiven. But everyone deserves an explanation.
Where I think medication and therapy helped make me a more sociable person, I really think it took almost losing Michael to realize what I was doing to those around me. I pushed so many people out of my life because I was hurting.
I know I am healing everyday. And everyday, I'm learning. I'm learning more about the person I was and the person I am now, and the person I want to be tomorrow.
I wonder why I'm writing this apology. Perhaps this is part of therapy, of self-medicating. Words on a page were always easier than to speak.
This post may be a waste of space and a facebook post, but I feel better knowing I've written it. To those who this is meant for, I truly am sorry I pushed you all away.
Sometimes, we build walls to see who cares enough to tear them down. Michael, I love you more than words can ever express. And I can never thank you enough for being so patient during my recovery.
Writing is a great healer. I know from experince. We are at www.caiafacraziness.com Writing has been my constant companinon for the last two years.
ReplyDeleteGood luck on your journey sweets.